‘At night I can’t sleep; In the morning I can’t wake up’

One of the most annoying symptoms and side effect of meds is the terrible sleep! I no longer have a sleeping ‘pattern’ but a deranged ‘doodle’ by a psychotic toddler!!

I struggle through the day getting more fatigued and impatient with my boys; looking forward to crawling into bed; I pretty much pass out within minutes. THEN ‘Hi there 2/3/4am, we have got to stop meeting this way. I’d much rather sleep with you’.

I am too tired to stay awake but too awake to go to sleep. I lay there struggling to toss and turn my achy and stiff body. However; the early hours can be a beautiful time when everything is still, peaceful and calm; time to clear the mind (and sometimes online shop! … oops)

I have had to learn to rock the ‘exhausted pigeon/walking zombie’ look (thank goodness for good concealer!) and as hard work as it is; I am grateful that I have my beautiful boys to force me out of bed each day. To give me the drive to keep going and keep treading through that ‘treacle’ when the fatigue really hits. I guess this is one (of very few) positives of having the ‘pesky p’ at a young age as I have youth on my side, kids to keep me going and none of the added complications of being older (yet).

‘When you can’t sleep; but you are too tired to think or do anything’

Aren’t we all tired? Well yes; we all have hectic busy lives, work, life and bills to pay etc. … Isn’t fatigue just another word for tired? Umm No; “… fatigue is felt deep in the bones and muscles, a heaviness to the limbs, as if you have just run a marathon. You can’t summon the energy to accomplish what you need to; you are physically and mentally dragging yourself through the day. No matter how extreme the fatigue, it does not result in sleep. You may lay down to take a nap but don’t fall asleep…”

The smallest task/activity can totally wipe me out for the rest of the day or the whole week!! It is very frustrating as I am a ‘doer’ I find it very difficult to sit still, plus there are always jobs to do / errands to run and my symptoms/fatigue can fluctuate hourly. I am trying very hard to listen more to my body and find the right balance to live as normally as I can and not pushing myself to the point I am fit for nothing for days! (I need to try much harder though as I am stubborn and end up paying the price for pushing myself and not listening!)

It’s a good job I am ‘Exhaustipated’ – Too tired to give a shit!!

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